It seems like for every funny, decent imgur-fan on social media, there are at least 50 douchebag pedants who attention-seek their way to the top of your newsfeed.
You know who they are. You’ve put up with it long enough; it’s time to get trigger happy with that ‘Unfriend’ button.
1. The Giver of Backwards Compliments
Some people, it would seem, aren’t content with the number of compliments that they get from other people, so they have to turn to doing it themselves. Don’t be fooled, these updates will often start out as something that resembles annoyance, but it turns out that they are actually a well disguised ‘Look at me and how wonderful I am!’ update.
Example: “OMG it was so embarrassing today, I managed to fit into a Halloween Costume for an 8-10 year old!”
Translation: “I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOO SKINNY! LOOK AT ME!”
2. The Attention Seeker
You know the type. They’re the ones who post a vague status about something going on in their lives. They want to let you know that they’ve got issues, but they want to do it in a way that can get them the maximum amount of attention possible.
Example: “Well, isn’t it amazing how someone you think is a friend can be anything but.”
Translation: “Someone please ask me about this, so I can be equally as vague in my reply. I just like the attention.”
3. The ‘U ok hun?’
For the Attention Seeker to be able to function properly, they need a ‘U ok hun?’ in their life. This is the person that wants to know what’s going on in everyone’s business, but to be able to get an insight, they need to pretend like they give a shit. And so ‘U Ok Hun?’ was born.
Example: “Just saw your status. U ok hun?”
Translation: “Oh my God, that status is intriguing, I must find out what’s going on right now.”
4. The Oversharer
The invention of social media seems to conveniently tie in with some people’s decision that the world needs to know what they’re doing at all times. This is probably the type of person that’s going to be blocked from your news feed first, purely due to the sheer amount of boring content that they’re churning out into your newsfeed.
Example: 21:02 “Tired” 21:15 “OMG so tired I should go to bed” 21:31 “8 out of 10 cats is so funny lol” 21:42 “I love Jimmy Carr” 22:01 “So tired, got to be up for work at 7”
Translation: “People want to know all about my life, it’s so interesting, so I’m going to tell them.”
5. The “LAD”
Similar to lads in real life, the social “Lad” enjoys boozing, having one-nights stands and letting everyone know how cool they are. This one could be quite picture heavy, think snaps from official nightclub photographers and ‘hilarious’ pictures of them vomiting into a laundry basket.
Example: “Just woke up. Don’t know where I am. Someone come and get me? #Lad”
The ensuing comments will be along the lines of “You’re such a liability!” and “Nice one mate!”
Translation: “I think I’m the coolest human being in the history of the world ever.”
6. The News Breaker
We all like the feeling of seeing our interactions when we’ve been the first to tweet about something, don’t try and deny it. However, there are those that like it just a bit too much. As soon as something pops up on Sky Breaking News, they’re all over it, like they’ve broken the story themselves.
NEWSFLASH: You’re a douchebag.
7. The Joke Stealer
The internet is chock full of side splitting content. However, some people actually think that they can pass it off as their own. Not only are these people frequently caught out because they’re not actually funny in real life, but they are apparently unaware that the internet is a public place, and therefore it’s highly likely that someone else would have seen it before.
Example: *Types* “There are only 10 types of people in this world. Those who understand binary and those who don’t.” *Posts*
Translation: “Everyone is going to think that I came up with that idea myself, I’m so funny!”